My opinion on how do the exchange theory and family system theory

 Today in the family and relation class, we talked about several theories that may influence the family and relations, such as family system theory, exchange theory, interaction theory and conflict theory. Among them, the one interested me the most is the family system theory, we took some examples to explain why it would influence the family relationship. One of the examples is the order of the siblings, study shows that 2nd child of the family will be more dependent on the moms, and the family relationship is more harmony than the family only have 2 kids, because if there are arguments happening between these 2 kids, the third one would be mediator between those 2. As for me, I am the only child in my family, so I don’t have any sibling issues. However, when I talk with my boyfriend about the family planning, he told me that he prefers us to just have 1 child, the reason he gave me is he thinks if we just have 1 child in our family, we can give our whole love to him/her, and it is easier to manage. He has a younger sister, but the relationship between them is not that smooth as he expected. I agree that if we only have one child, we can devote our whole love to him/her. However, I don’t think that is a good thing. Since I am the only child in my family, my parents always concern about me, about my personal well-being, my safety, etc… I really appreciate those concerns because I treat those as the symbols of love. However, I am a little bit stressed because I can’t decide my own life sometimes in some way, my mom is a little bit bossy and controlling, sometimes she will do the decisions for me and say that those decisions she made for me are for my own good. I want to and need to be mature, but I don’t think I can do it by parent’s overprotecting.  Sometimes I think would the situation be changed if I have other siblings? Maybe this would distract my parents a little by taking care of the other children.

Another theory I think is very interesting is called the “exchange theory”, based on my understanding of this concept, it is a balance between input and output in a relationship. If a person puts too many efforts with little paybacks, I don’t think this relationship would last long. On the other hand, if a person gets too many outputs in a relationship, she/he will take this as for granted, and won’t respect to that person who put too much. I will take my Chinese friend’s experience as an example, he used to be very interested in a girl, and he texted her a lot of times in a day, and he cares a lot about that girl’s life very much, he bought gifts for her when it was her birthday, and he always picked her up from her company when she finishes working. As for me, I thought the girl would be impressed and agreed to be with him. But that guy called me one day and told me that he was thinking about to give up. I was surprised to hear that and asked him why. He told me that he was tired to keep pursuing that girl and trying to please her. He had done a lot for that girl; however, he just can’t get the official response from her, she began replying to his messages once in 2 days, and sometimes she didn’t even reply, which frustrated him. I asked him that if he texted her very often, and he said yes. I told him that he might be a little bit pushy in a relationship. A person won’t get the equal response from another he/she is interested in if he/she doesn’t do it in a right way. I suggested him just go talk to her in person, tell her about his real feeling instead of texting. I haven’t heard any feedback from him since then, from his experience I have learned is 2 parties should be equal in a relationship, and we need to use an appropriate way to show our feelings to get the things we want.